A long, long time ago–1997?–I was walking down Broadway on my way to work. At 8th street, I encountered a very angry woman in front of a science-fair-type posterboard covered in pictures of suffering domestic animals. They were horrible, and compelling, and I was young and easily swayed, and curious. Show
This woman (short, aggressively blond hair; long black overcoat over a T-shirt with the sleeves rolled and pushed up; jeans) was yelling: “Animal RIGHTS!” I can still hear her voice in my head, all these years later, Janis-Joplin, smoke-and-whiskey frayed: “Animal RIGHTS! Animal RIGHTS!” She was trying to get everyone to sign a petition. At the time I worked for a nature magazine of some repute. What I learned there made it obvious to me that I shouldn’t sign anything unless I knew for sure what I was signing. But I didn’t know much about these extreme animal rights groups, so I approached her to learn more. I can’t remember exactly what I asked her. Probably something like, “Can you tell me more about what this is about?” She immediately shot back, “I don’t have time to explain it to you,” and went on shouting, right in my ear, since I was close enough to ask her a question. “Animal RIGHTS!”  Fast forward, yesterday morning. My friend Jamie gets a comment on a blog post she wrote about themes in writing. I won’t reproduce the full comment here, because it is so very, very tiresome. It is a couple hundred words and involves Dante, Aristotle, praxis, and lumps novelists and contract writers with “and such” and sets us apart from “true writers and artists.” Jamie posted this blowhard jerkface dimwit obfuscating badger guy’s comment to a braintrust we’re both involved in, with a call for help: How do I respond to this guy? The answers she got from our co-hort were, nearly unanimously, thus: Ignore him. You don’t have time to spend on this jerk. There were accusations of mansplaining, which were spot-on. Me? I spewed a bunch of eff-bombs, did the requisite pushups, and then went for a walk with my Fuzz. Seeing Jamie, an educated, sensitive, generous whip-smart writer of her own credentials, getting schooled by this guy–THIS GUY THIS GUY THIS POOPTACULAR–was beyond the pale. (I have been mansplained to, and I have done my own mansplaining. It’s not uniquely a male problem, although it does seem to happen a lot in one direction.) In the end, I wrote to Jamie, “I’d reply to him in public, telling him everything that’s wrong. If we’re lucky, we might have converted a wanker asshat into just an asshat.” Jamie was much more elegant. She thanked him for his reply and said she’d try to reply in full later. She did the right thing, I believe. More broadly, I’m thinking that there is enough anger in this world. I’m thinking that, if the woman on the corner of 8th and Broadway had taken the time to educate me, instead of brushing me off and making me feel like an ignoramus, I’d have walked away better educated, knowing more, at least maybe understanding why she was so passionate about this issue. And maybe I’d have cared to find out more. Fervently hoping that Mr. Dusty-Library-for-Brains disappears into a deep pit of…uh, dusty library books isn’t going to actually make that happen. Screaming the same slogan over and over again at people you can’t be bothered to educate, I think, isn’t that far from just ignoring someone, and the issue, and losing out on a chance to help them see another side. In fact, I’m reminded of the way my father once described the arguments he heard between me and my mom [paraphrased, obviously]: “It’s like the two of you are wearing suits of armor, okay? Big medieval things. And you’re just whaling away at each other with those big weapons–those big spiky balls. It’s a lot of noise. And no real progress on either side.” I don’t hold out much hope that Dingleberries McRealWriter will actually take what Jamie eventually has to say on board. But at least she can say she tried, which at least allows for some possibility of that thing we call Hope. For discourse, for civilised conversation, for a world where we can read things and comment thoughtfully on them and then have further conversations that we can all learn from. That is something Angry Animal RIGHTS lady will never have. Some days, though, we are just too damn tired to deal. That’s okay, too. NB: Holy buckets: tracked down a story about ANIMAL RIGHTS lady. I guess, if you were just out to scam people, that’d be a reason for brushing off anyone who asked.
An icon in the shape of a lightning bolt. Keep reading
Do you ever fantasize about what you’d say to people who never shut up?
But really, you just wish they would stop running their freaking mouth. Know what I’m talking about? I’m guessing you do. In fact, I’m betting you go to extreme lengths to make sure no one thinks you’re one of those people. You know how to STFU, and the last group you want to belong to is that Tribe, right? You couldn’t respect yourself. Stop worrying if people would tell you to shut upWhen you’re worried about other people telling you to STFU, several bad things happen when trying to gain social media stature:
You think this is smart. And to a certain extent, it is. If you want to get through life without anyone disliking you, then buttoning your bottom lip, keeping your eyes to yourself, and getting on with your business is the perfect strategy. Just like you can learn how to write like Hemingway, you can master how to speak like Hemingway. But no one tells you that it’s also a good way to spend your life in fear. You can never say what you really think for fear that someone will disagree. You can never tell other people what they really need to know for fear that you’ll ruin your relationship with them. You’ll never get around to writing the book or blog you’ve been planning for fear that no one but you will think it’s important. Sure, everyone who knows you will like you, but not many will know you. You’ll lose all the qualities of a good writer. The fear of “shut the f*ck up” will have driven you into mediocrity. It’ll crush any chance you ever had at greatness. Of course, what choice do you have? No, you don’t want to be a timid, mediocre writer, but you don’t want to be one of those people who doesn’t know when to shut their mouth either. How do you balance the two?How do you say what you think without becoming a “know it all” who everyone wants to punch in the face? How can you make sure that other people will find you interesting instead of annoying or naive? Well, you can’t. Mainly, it’s because you’re not omnipotent, and you’re not in control of what everyone else thinks. But you can avoid making some common mistakes. The 7 annoying types of people who won’t shut upThese mistakes are so common, in fact, that they’ve all been turned into clichés. I’ve never seen anyone collect them all in one place before, though, so just for your benefit, here are seven types of people who never shut up. Type #1: People who are too big for their britchesThe people I most often want to shut the f*ck up are what my mother would call “too big for their britches.” They’re trying to sound smarter than they really are, pretending to know more than they really do, or acting like their life is better than it really is. They come off as phony, and it rubs everyone the wrong way. The truth: you can’t fake being an interesting person. If you find yourself feeling like you have to pretend, then the problem isn’t your writing. It’s you. Go spice up your life, and you’ll find it infinitely easier to write something other people want to read. Type #2: Snobs who look down their noses at everyoneOf course, you can take it too far. Some people have done so much that they seem to look down their noses at everyone. For them, it’s not a matter of trying to impress anyone. They genuinely believe they are superior. They’re the Michael Jordan of their industry, and no one comes anywhere close to matching their talent. What’s more, they make sure everyone else knows it. Every once in a while, I see beginning bloggers dipping into this mode. Usually, it’s a successful person that’s starting a blog, and they believe their achievements entitle them to continued attention. Big mistake. No one is entitled to attention, not even celebrities. If it became obvious that they were looking down their noses at everyone, they’d lose huge portions of their audience.
Digital Commerce Partners is the agency division of Copyblogger, and we specialize in delivering targeted organic traffic for growing digital businesses. LEARN MOREType #3: Cold fishFor a medium that’s supposed to be about self-expression, most bloggers are surprisingly cold. Their writing reminds me of something I might’ve read in Biology 101. It sounds like they’re trying to impress the teacher with their knowledge, and they’ve forgotten that blogging isn’t writing an essay. It’s a conversational medium. To be conversational, you can’t be cold. You have to be warm, edgy, and most importantly, FUN. Type #4: Anyone who talks the talk but can’t walk the walkYou know those people who are always talking about what they’re going to do, and what they’re saying sounds really good, but they never actually get around to doing it? After a little while, you stop believing them. If they keep it up, you eventually stop listening altogether. No one has time for someone who talks a good game but doesn’t back it up with action. The same goes for bloggers who focus too much on attention-grabbing techniques. All too often, I see folks talking about how they’re going to publish a free report, talking about how they’re going to write a book, talking about how they’re going to start a course, but they never get around to doing it. Your readers might not care too much, but other bloggers watch this type of thing. Do it long enough, and you’ll lose their respect, which is disastrous when you’re trying to grow a blog. Type #5: People who beat around the bushWhy do some people never shut up? Some residents of the Southern United States can be very sensitive about this one. To them, beating around the bush isn’t poor communication. It’s cultural heritage. You don’t just come out and say what you mean because, well, that’s “just not the way things are done ‘round here.” That’s nonsense. I’m from the South, currently living in the South, and I love my Southern heritage, but beat around the bush for more than a couple of minutes, and I’ll ignore you with the politest of Southern smiles. I don’t have time for figuring out what everyone means, online or otherwise. Either get to the point, or STFU. Type #6: Morons talking out of the wrong endEver know someone who makes stuff up, just to have something to talk about? It doesn’t matter if the story actually happened. It doesn’t matter if their opinion is based on any sort of proof. It doesn’t matter if everyone in the room knows they’re full of crap. As long as it’s interesting, they’re going to tell you about it, sure enough. In short, they’re talking out of their ass. When you’re a blogger, it’s easy to make the same mistake. You start out with lots of stuff to write about, but sooner or later, the well just kind of runs dry. The problem is, your readers expect you to keep publishing on a regular basis, and that means finding something to write about and learning how to write articles fast. In a moment of desperation, you might be tempted to choose a topic you know is foolishness, just to keep your readers happy. Big mistake. Online, people are even less tolerant of BS than they are in real life. If you want them to listen to you, you’d better either say something that has at least some foundation in reality, or say nothing at all. Type #7: Long-winded gasbagsSometimes, it doesn’t matter how interesting you are. Talk for too long and people will resent you for using up their time, even if they enjoyed listening to you. They’ll also hesitate to connect with you in the future. Dealing with people who never shut upIt’s one thing to acknowledge these different categories. It’s another to learn how to get people to shut up. If you’re looking for some pointers, check out these different scenarios. Why do some people never shut up?What makes you wonder, “Why do some people never shut up?” Is it because you’re more of a quiet person? Is it because you’re an introvert? Is it because you’d rather listen than speak? There’s not necessarily a right or wrong way to be, but some people love talking. They might like expressing themselves with a lot of details, or they might like proving their point with a lot of examples. Others simply enjoy arguing. How to tell someone they talk too much, in a nice wayIf you need some quiet time and you regularly encounter a chatty person, it can be difficult to figure out the appropriate way to politely resolve the situation. But you’re going to have to learn how to tell someone they talk too much, in a nice way. One easy thing you can do is make it about your needs, rather than what the other person is doing wrong. Communicate about the type of peaceful environment that works for you and ask the other person if they can be considerate while they’re around you. That way, they can respect your boundaries without feeling that they’ve done something wrong or that they have to change their personality. When to scold people who never shut upIf you’ve expressed your needs and the other person still won’t respect them, you might be left feeling like why are people so f*cking stupid? But it’s important to not take things personally. The other person is likely not trying to annoy you on purpose — they’re just used to getting away with their behavior. People who won’t shut up often don’t listen very carefully, so you might need to tell them how you feel multiple times. Sternly remind them that you don’t have time for nonsense, and that you’d appreciate it if your communication with them was swift and brief, rather than long-winded and time-consuming. You can also lead by example … The best rule of thumb: make your point as quickly as possible, and then shut your mouth. That said, I think I’ll take my own advice … |
When someone talks to you like your dumb
Pos Terkait
Copyright © 2024 membukakan Inc.
