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Why we ruin the things we want. Self-sabotaging. You can call it accidentally on purpose shooting yourself in the foot. The fuel to this fire is fear. Trying to get that promotion you’re afraid you won’t get? Show up five minutes late to work after worrying all night about it. Wanting to lose weight but afraid of more diet failures and never reaching your goals? Eat a pizza the night… Sometimes it feels like we can’t do anything right. Everything we touch seems to fall apart—relationships, projects, goals, all of it. What’s going on here, and what do we do about it? Self-sabotageAs strange as it may seem, people often intentionally undermine their own goals. This is called self-sabotage. Usually we don’t even realize we’re doing it. Here are a few reasons why people self-sabotage:
A lot of these are related to our mental health. Finding coping skills that help us manage our emotions can be really helpful. If you think you might be struggling with a mental illness, take one of our mental health screens and spend some time learning about how to improve your mental health. Listening to your self-talkTake a second and think about that sentence: “I destroy everything.” I bet if you think about it, you can come up with some examples of things you’ve done well. Maybe your loved ones can help you think of times you made other people happy. Thinking about this logically might help a bit—or, it could be totally missing the point. Ultimately, “I destroy everything” doesn’t come from the logical part of our brain. It comes from the emotional part. We say things like this about ourselves when we’re feeling a lot of emotions but don’t know how to describe them. Try to put a label on exactly what you’re feeling. Here are some ideas:
Learning to understand and communicate your emotions is the first step to learning to manage them. Once you can do that, you can start to change the way you talk to yourself, and think about where to go from here. Every time I care about something it gets ruined. I get close to two people that are dating and now they might be breaking up. I try to help friends that are upset and just make everything worse. Everything I do goes wrong. Why am I even here? |