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First Year > Development & Milestones Whether you’re headed out for a much-needed date night or taking a longer trip for work, any separation is likely to be tougher on you than it is on your sweet bundle when your baby is still a newborn. But that all starts to change when your baby’s own separation anxiety kicks in. It can feel unexpected and super sad when this happens, but know that your baby’s tears and reaching arms are very normal at this stage. Here’s more about separation anxiety in babies, including when it tends to occur, as well as smart ways to handle this tough phase without crying yourself. What is separation anxiety?Separation anxiety is a very normal developmental stage that means just what it sounds like. It’s a set of nervous, worried feelings — and subsequent cries — that your baby develops when her BFF (yup, you!) or another trusted caregiver leaves her with someone unknown or unfamiliar. A baby who’s experiencing separation anxiety might cry, scream, cling to you, shake her head or hide her face when someone she doesn’t recognize approaches. The same reactions may also crop up with family members and friends who your baby once seemed to enjoy but now views as “strangers” or even a threat. What are the signs of separation anxiety in babies?You probably won’t miss this stage, but here are some ways you’ll know that your baby has separation anxiety:
When does separation anxiety in babies start?Separation anxiety becomes a reality for your child as she learns about object permanence. It can appear as early as 7 months, though timing can vary. As for when it's at its worst? For some babies, 9 months is the low point for these fearful feelings and screaming fits, and for others, the peak may happen anywhere in the 10- to 18-month timeframe. Leaving your baby around this age can earn you an even worse reception if your infant is hungry, tired, or has a cold or fever. Luckily, kids do outgrow their separation anxiety, but it may take until about 2 years of age for it to happen. For some children, it may take even longer, until age 3. What causes separation anxiety in babies?The mere existence of separation anxiety in infants is actually a good thing, even though it’s hard to concentrate on that fact when your baby is howling in your ear. Your infant's fussing and crying when you leave the room means she has a strong bond and sense of attachment to you. And since babies don’t have a wide range of experience, every new person or place can feel unsafe — or at the very least disconcerting. Your child is beginning to realize you’re her main caregiver and when you’re gone, she’s distraught. Plus, infants can’t tell time, so she has no idea that your departure is just for a fast cup of coffee with a pal. How to handle separation anxiety in babiesAs with many stages of infant development, patience is key to handling this one in the moment. You should never ignore a baby with separation anxiety; instead, try these strategies:
How to deal with separation anxiety at nightA baby between 8 and 12 months of age may also show signs of separation anxiety at night by waking up and crying out for you. To deal with nighttime separation anxiety, you can go to your infant and reassure her with calming words and your hand on her back, but skip picking her up, as this may coax her to continue, thinking her cries can equal your embrace. A baby at this age may also be experiencing sleep regression, which can be caused by separation anxiety. Continue to stick to your nighttime routine (bath, bottle or nursing, a song, story, kisses) so your baby learns what to expect at the end of each day. Take heart when faced with separation anxiety, as it means the bond you have with your infant is strong. Once you realize what’s happening to her developmentally, nail down the strategies above to ease her stress — and your own — when you have to leave your baby.
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Separation anxiety in children is a fear of being separated from their parent or carer. It’s normal for babies and toddlers to be upset when someone they love leaves, even for a short time.
Separation anxiety usually starts at 6 to 8 months old and usually improves as a child nears school age. What causes separation anxiety?Separation anxiety is a normal part of growing up. Babies become attached to those close to them, usually their parents. They feel safe when they can see people they know and love. Being separated from the people who make them feel safe can make them feel anxious. What are the signs of separation anxiety?Your baby or toddler might let you know they are anxious by behaviours such as screaming or throwing a tantrum, crying quietly, clinging to you and refusing to be comforted by anyone else. What can you do to help your child get over separation anxiety?Your child may cope better with separation if you give them time to become familiar with new surroundings and gradually get to know the people who will care for them. Other things that might help include:
Short practice separations using games of ‘peek-a-boo’ and ‘hide-and-seek’ (making sure that you are easy to find) will let them learn that you will always come back to them. What to do when separation anxiety gets more seriousSeparation anxiety usually fades away as a child grows up and becomes used to different people and situations. If it persists, or if you see major changes in your child’s behaviour, such as panic, nightmares, or excessive worries and fears, they could be developing an anxiety disorder. Sometimes this can follow stressful events, such as moving house or changing child carers, another baby coming into the family or parents separating. For more informationIf you’re worried about your child having separation anxiety, you can call Pregnancy Birth and Baby on 1800 882 436. You can also talk to your doctor, paediatrician or your local community health centre. They can advise or refer you to a specialist clinic if necessary. |