What pregnancy does to a relationship?

Larger breasts and mood swings are only a few of the changes you’ll go through during pregnancy. Future mothers should also acknowledge that the relationship with their partners will alter.

Table of Contents Show

Love and Pregnancy Are a Tricky Combination
Pregnancy Makes Women Feel Less Attractive
Your Partner Might Feel Ignored
Find a Way to Reconnect on a Physical Level
Communication is Bliss
Domestic abuse
Why does a good the couple relationship matter during pregnancy?
What factors can contribute to a decline in the couple’s relationship?
Does a planned pregnancy mean fewer relationship problems?
What can help to prevent a decline in the couple relationship?
Summary and conclusion

The last thing you need during those nine months is extra relationship stress. Read this article so you and your partner can prepare for these changes and make the pregnancy as wonderful as possible.

Love and Pregnancy Are a Tricky Combination

Women go through a lot during pregnancy. The idea that you’re carrying another living being inside your womb is shocking enough. There will be times when mixed feelings and emotions get the best of your judgment. You will want to be extremely close to your partner — or you’ll want to be alone.

It is important to understand your emotions. Don’t take things personally and don’t blame the person sitting next to you for wanting to take care of you. The sooner you can acknowledge your mixed emotions, the more chances you have to bond with your loved one on a deeper level.

Pregnancy Makes Women Feel Less Attractive

Women experience intense hormonal changes during pregnancy. They can feel happy, excited and beautiful for five minutes, and then switch to feeling unattractive, angry, and moody for the next hour. All this is normal, but it doesn’t mean pregnancy makes you unattractive in the eyes of your partner.

You may have days when you feel cranky and bloated, but this doesn’t need to stop you from wanting to be with your husband. Pregnancy is a life-altering experience meant to solidify your marriage and make you feel complete as a person. You’re not going to stay pregnant forever, so it’s best to make the most of these moments as they are unique.

Embrace your growing belly and find a way to feel attractive on an emotional level (if you can’t on a physical). Think positive and remember: your body will go back to the way it used to be.

Know the signs. Take our free mental health test

Your Partner Might Feel Ignored

When a couple “gets pregnant,” we have to admit the attention is pointed at the future mother. Partners get their fair share of “congratulations,” but that’s it. For nine months you will be the center of attention, which could make him or her feel ignored.

It is important to be supportive. Encourage them to participate and involve them in your daily, baby-related activities. Allow them to “talk” to the baby, play him/her music, and so on.

This will have a great effect on the whole relationship. Make time for non-baby time, too. Go out on a romantic dinner or surprise your partner with a movie date. All this should remind both of you the love is there, in spite of all the changes happening in your lives.

Find a Way to Reconnect on a Physical Level

It can be tricky to find romance when you’re exhausted and nauseous all day long. In the first trimester, most women feel queasy, moody and icky. Their belly becomes bigger and bigger, which we must admit is an impediment between the sheets.

Nonetheless, being pregnant doesn’t mean you and your partner can’t enjoy sex. It can be done, but you have to talk about it so you can make it work.

Be ready to go through some pretty embarrassing moments, but don’t take things the wrong way. Laugh about it and find a way to move past them.

Communication is Bliss

Relationships don’t last if there’s miscommunication or no communication between couples. Now that you’ve decided to have a baby, you and your partner have to sit down and have a really long chat about the upcoming changes in your lives.

Pregnancy changes the way relationships work, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It could change them for the better. Those nine months waiting for the baby to come will be tough. The end result, however, will be worth it.

Sylvia Smith is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples in therapy. She is currently associated with Marriage.com, a reliable resource assisting millions of couples to resolve their marital issues.

Talkspace articles are written by experienced mental health-wellness contributors; they are grounded in scientific research and evidence-based practices. Articles are extensively reviewed by our team of clinical experts (therapists and psychiatrists of various specialties) to ensure content is accurate and on par with current industry standards.

Our goal at Talkspace is to provide the most up-to-date, valuable, and objective information on mental health-related topics in order to help readers make informed decisions.

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This video explores ways to deal with arguments with your partner after your baby is born.

Pregnancy brings big changes to your life, especially if this is your first baby. Some people find it easier to cope with these changes than others do. Everybody is different.

Even if you feel excited about having your baby, it's also common to feel vulnerable and anxious while pregnant.

If feeling down or anxious is affecting your everyday life, tell a midwife. You will be offered help to deal with worrying thoughts or feelings.

Find out more about mental health in pregnancy.

You may find that you are having arguments with your partner while you’re pregnant.

Some arguments may have nothing to do with the pregnancy, but others may be caused by feeling worried about the future and how you're going to cope.

It's important to talk with your partner about how you’re feeling. If you are worried about your relationship, talk to a friend, family member or your midwife.

Domestic abuse

If your relationship is abusive or violent, get help. There are organisations that can help such as:

Find out more about domestic abuse in pregnancy.

If you have a partner, they may want to be present at the baby's birth. It can help to find out about your birth options, including where you can give birth.

You can also find out about what your birth partner can do to support you, and what it can mean for them to share this experience.

If you do not have a partner, you may have family or a friend you could ask to be your birth partner.

Involve your birth partner in antenatal classes if you can, and let them know what you want. It may help to discuss your birth plan with them so they understand your wishes for labour.

If you’re on your own, ask your midwife if there are antenatal classes in your area that are especially for single people.

After birth, it can be encouraging to meet other single parents who also went through pregnancy on their own.

Gingerbread is a self-help organisation for single-parent families. It has a network of local groups and can give you information and advice. The charity can also put you in touch with other parents in a similar situation to you.

Visit the Gingerbread online forum.

If money is an immediate concern, find out more about the maternity and paternity benefits and leave you're entitled to claim. Your local Jobcentre Plus or Citizens Advice service can advise you.

If you have a housing problem, contact your local Citizens Advice or your local housing advice centre.

You might be eligible for a Sure Start Maternity Grant on GOV.UK, or Healthy Start vouchers for free milk, vegetables and vitamins.

Page last reviewed: 13 February 2020
Next review due: 13 February 2020

Childbirth is a life-changing event for the parents. This is a time of joy, happiness, and fulfillment. However, this comes with a lot of changes and challenges in the life of the couple. Sometimes, these challenges could lead to a disturbance in their marital relationship.

This article briefly outlines different factors which can contribute to the changes in the relationship satisfaction. This would help (both the parents and the practitioners) to understand the relationship dynamics in this crucial phase of life and explore different ways to strengthen this.

Pregnancy is a time for a significant change in the body, mind, relationship, and self-identity. A positive relationship between the pregnant woman and her partner plays a vital role during the transition to parenthood.

The perinatal period could be stressful and overwhelming. This could put a strain on the couple relationship. A stronger bond between couples could be a protective factor against pregnancy-related anxiety and parenting stress.

Why does a good the couple relationship matter during pregnancy?

It is well-known that the couple’s relationship satisfaction is an important factor for the wellbeing during pregnancy.

A poor relationship can contribute to mental health disorders during pregnancy and post-childbirth period. (Ref 1)

A satisfying couple relationship is also vital for:

– A better physical (Ref 2) and psychological health (Ref 3) for both partners

– A better functioning immune system. (Ref 4)

– Prevention of separation/ divorce

– Better health and wellbeing of the children (Ref 5)

A lot of measures can be taken during the transition to parenthood to strengthen the couple relationship.

What factors can contribute to a decline in the couple’s relationship?

In the first year of childbirth, between 40-70% of couples report some decline in their relationship. (Ref 6)

The following factors can have a negative impact on the couple relationship:

A) The common changes in the post-partum period:

1) Tiredness, exhaustion, and lack of sleep:

Parents without much support would need to care for the child round-the-clock. This could come as a shock to many and they might feel helpless. This could also lead to tiredness, exhaustion, and insomnia.

Research has shown that fatigue/ tiredness/sleep disturbances can impair the couple relationship after the childbirth. (Ref 7)

2) Less positive communication:

Many parents report a decline in positive communication and dialogue (between them as a couple) during the transition to parenthood period. Sometimes they might feel a less emotional support and response from the other partner.

Good communication is considered to be the cornerstone of a healthy couple relationship. (Ref 8) Therefore, a poor communication can lead to a decline in the couple relationship.

3) Increasing conflict:

A common reason for conflict is the sharing of the household work.

After the childbirth, women often have to take up more responsibility in the household. They might feel the need to reduce hours at work (and subsequent less salary) to meet the childcare needs. The perception of unfair distribution of household duties could lead to argument and conflict. (Ref 9)

4) Less time together:

While meeting the demands of childcare responsibilities and household work, couples often do not find much time to spend together to share values and support each other.

As a result, either of the spouses might feel lonely, isolated and less supported. Many conflicts might remain unresolved with a meaningful dialogue.

They might also have less frequent sexual intimacy. Sometimes this could be related to the childbirth process (for example, the woman could have a painful scar/ episiotomy wound in the perineum).

All these factors might create an emotional distance and less satisfaction with their relationship. (Ref 10)

5) Child’s temperament/ disability:

Research has shown that couples with children with unpredictable behaviour (Ref 11) or a disability (Ref 12) are at increased risk of declining relationship.

6) Less perceived support from the partner:

This is thought to be an important factor for a declining couple relationship during the transition to parenthood.

B) Mental health illness:

Mental health illnesses of one or both the couples could have a significant impact on the relationship.

C) Pre-existing relationship problems:

Any pre-existing relationship problem can intensify after the baby is born. (Ref 11)

D) Insecure adult attachment style:

The attachment style of each parent is very important in determining a healthy relationship.

If one or both parents have an insecure attachment style, then they might have less relationship satisfaction. (Ref)

E) Financial problems:

This could lead to stress and feelings of insecurity for the future.

Does a planned pregnancy mean fewer relationship problems?

Some studies have demonstrated that the relationships are better in planned pregnancies. (Ref 13)

It might appear that unplanned pregnancies are associated with more relationship conflicts.

However, the research findings have shown mixed evidence on the connections between unplanned pregnancy and poor couple relationship.

While some have shown a poor relationship (Ref 14), others have indicated a better couple bonding and relationship with unplanned pregnancies (Ref 11).

What can help to prevent a decline in the couple relationship?

It is important to remember and reassure parents that although a decline in the relationship is common after the childbirth, it is not inevitable.

The following could be helpful in having a positive couple relationship:

A) Preparing for parenthood programme:

A structured ‘Preparing for Parenthood’ programme for the couples (during pregnancy or after the childbirth) with a view to:

1. provide a realistic expectation of parenthood.

2. providing skills to deal with common relationship difficulties, such as conflict resolution and communication skills.

B) Spending together more quality time:

Spending some time together to discuss and appreciate each other’s happy moments, challenges and difficulties of parenthood.

C) Sharing is caring:

Sharing the responsibilities (of household chores and childcare equally) between both parents have been shown to be a protective factor for couple relationship. (Ref 15)

D) Good social support:

Support from the family, friends and healthcare professionals could be helpful in reducing the stress of parenthood.

E) Address any relationship difficulties early:

It is important to deal with any relationship problem before the child is born and the parenting journey begins.

F) Identify and address insecure adult attachment styles:

Screening of the attachment style of each parent during the antenatal period could be helpful. This could identify insecure attachment. A referral to a relationship counsellor would be of help. (Ref)

G) Treat perinatal mental health illnesses:

Early diagnosis and treatment of the perinatal mental health conditions are vital. It is important to remember that fathers/ partners can suffer from perinatal mental health disorders too.

Summary and conclusion

1) The period of transition to parenthood can result in a decline in the couple relationship. Although this is common but not inevitable, so couples should be reassured during pregnancy and after the childbirth. It is also essential to highlight the importance of self-care and own personal health.

2) It is important to be aware of the potential risk factors which can contribute to a poor relationship. They include changes after the childbirth (such as tiredness/ lack of sleep, poor communication, spending less quality time as a couple, unequal sharing of childcare and household responsibilities), insecure adult attachment style of one or both parents, financial difficulties and preexisting relationship difficulties.

3) Poor couple relationship can lead to separation/ breakdown in marriage, mental health problems (in either or both the parents), and insecure parent-infant attachments (with subsequent health impact on the child in the forthcoming years).

4) Support from the partner and social support (family, friends and healthcare professionals) can act as a buffer and are thought to be protective.

5) A structured transition to parenthood programme could be helpful. This should provide evidence-based information on the realities and practical aspects of parenthood. They also should help couples develop problem-solving/ conflict resolution and communication skills.

6) Any preexisting couple relationship problem during pregnancy should be identified and addressed before the childbirth.

Identifying insecure adult attachment style (in one or both) parents is particularly helpful, preferably during pregnancy. They might benefit from a referral to a relationship counsellor.

Reference

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2) Kiecolt-Glaser, J., & Newton, T. (2001). Marriage and health: His and hers. Psychological Bulletin, 127, 472-503.

3) Whisman, M. A., & Uebelacker, L. A. (2006). Impairment and distress associated with relationship discord in a national sample of married or cohabiting adults. Journal of Family Psychology 20 369-377.

4) Henriksen RE, Torsheim T, Thuen F (2015) Relationship Satisfaction Reduces the Risk of Maternal Infectious Diseases in Pregnancy: The Norwegian Mother and Child Cohort Study. PLoS ONE 10(1): e0116796.

5) Amato, P. R., & Keith, B. (1991). Parental divorce and the well-being of children: A meta-analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 110, 26-46.

6) Shapiro, A.F. and Gottman, J.M., 2005. Effects on Marriage of a Psycho- Communicative-Educational Intervention With Couples Undergoing the Transition to Parenthood, Evaluation at 1-Year Post Intervention. Journal of Family Communication 5, 1–24.

7) Medina, A.M., Lederhos, C.L. and Lillis, T.A., 2009. Sleep disruption and decline in marital satisfaction across the transition to parenthood. Fam Syst Health 27, 153–160.

8) Exploring relationships among communication, sexual satisfaction, and marital satisfaction. Litzinger S, Gordon KC J. Sex Marital Ther. 2005 Oct-Dec; 31(5):409-24. [PubMed] [Ref list]

9) Kluwer, E.S., Heesink, J.A.M. and van de Vliert, E., 2002. The Division of Labor Across the Transition to Parenthood: A Justice Perspective. Journal of Marriage and Family 64, 930–943.

10) Petch, J. and Halford, W.K., 2008. Psycho-education to enhance couples’ transition to parenthood. Clinical Psychology Review 28, 1125–1137.

11) Kluwer, E.S., 2010. From Partnership to Parenthood: A Review of Marital Change Across the Transition to Parenthood. Journal of Family Theory & Review 2, 105–125.

12) Glenn, F., 2007. Growing together, or drifting apart: children with disabilities and their parents’ relationship. One plus One, London.

13) Lawrence, E., Rothman, A.D., Cobb, R.J., Rothman, M.T. and Bradbury, T.N., 2008. Marital satisfaction across the transition to parenthood. Journal of Family Psychology 22, 41–50.

14) Cox, M.J., Paley, B., Burchinal, M. and Payne, C.C., 1999. Marital Perceptions and Interactions Across the Transition to Parenthood. Journal of Marriage and the Family 61, 611.

15) Kerstis B, Berglund A, Engström G, Edlund B, Sylvén S, Aarts C (2014) Depressive symptoms postpartum among parents are associated with marital separation: a Swedish cohort study. Scand J Public Health 42(7): 660–8. doi: 10.1177/1403494814542262