Whether you are married, in a long-term relationship, in a new relationship, in a casual relationship or coming to the end of a relationship, breaking the news of an unexpected or unplanned pregnancy to the father, or indeed to close family members, can be extremely difficult. In fact, until you have the conversation, it can hang over you, creating stress and anxiety to the point that you may find it difficult to process your own emotions and work out how you really feel. Show
By planning the conversation in advance, you can at least ensure that you are prepared to break the news in a way you are comfortable with, something which will hopefully benefit all involved. It is important to note that there should be no stigma attached to an unplanned pregnancy. According to Gov.UK, as many of 45% of pregnancies and one third of births in England may be unplanned. You should also note that whatever the father or indeed other family members may say, the future of the pregnancy is ultimately your decision – although ideally you will work through everything together, you are the one who is pregnant and no one has the right to tell you what to do. Step one – consider your own feelingsEven for those couples who painstakingly plan a pregnancy, there is rarely a “perfect” time to be pregnant. The chances of all the stars aligning at any one time are pretty slim: reality is imperfect and in all likelihood there will be a personal, financial, emotional, familial, career or health reasons why you might greet the realisation of your pregnancy with mixed feelings. And even if all of the above conditions are indeed perfect, it is still possible to feel levels of anxiety you hadn’t expected. Don’t be afraid if you have sudden reservations; they are normal, healthy even. After all, your body is preparing to bring new life into the world, and if that doesn’t make you stop to think, not much else ever will. However, if you are finding the thought of being pregnant and having a child overwhelming, speaking with your GP, or a counsellor, therapist or trusted friend could help you work through your emotions. Don’t wait too long to tell the important peopleUnless you have specific concerns related to your emotional or physical wellbeing, you should tell the father and your family about the pregnancy as soon as is reasonable. If you are still digesting the information to some extent and are unsure about how you wish to proceed, you can explain this to anyone you tell. If you wait and withhold the information your loved ones may feel as if they have been excluded. Ultimately if you are all on the same page – you, the child’s father, and any family members you plan to tell at first – it can really help with your ability to move forward. Prepare for and rehearse breaking the newsIn what is likely to be the first of many lists relating to your pregnancy, you should try writing down bullet points of all the things you would like to say when breaking the news. You may then wish to rehearse speaking these words as it will help prevent you from becoming tongue-tied at the important moment. Try and be as clear and direct as possible as this will reduce the scope for confusion. Plan the right momentIt is unlikely to help anyone if you break the news on the spur of the moment or at an inopportune time, such as when your partner is about to leave for work or go into an important Zoom meeting. By breaking the news at a suitable moment, not only can you be sure that you will have the time to communicate everything you want to say, you can also give your partner or family member the time and space they need to digest the news and ask you all the questions they need to ask. Find the right placeJust as important as finding the right time is finding the right place to break the news. Ideally this should be somewhere quiet and private such as a garden, secluded park space or comfortable room in your own home. If you have any concerns about your physical or emotional safety, you should aim to break the news in a space where you have privacy but also have the ability to leave or seek help if necessary. Break the news face-to-face (if possible)If at all possible, you should break the news face-to-face as this is not only respectful of the person you are telling, it also allows you to read their facial expressions and body language while ensuring that the conversation stays “real”; breaking big news over the telephone or via a video call can have an air of unreality to it. Be open and honestWhatever you are feeling – excited, overjoyed, anxious, conflicted, scared – it is important that you are able to be open and honest about the situation. You may even wish to discuss specifics such as financial or health concerns. For a conversation to be open and honest, both parties will need to be frank about their feelings. The creation of new life is too important for people to conceal or disguise their true feelings. Be ready to listenYour partner and family members should be patient and ready to listen to you, and, likewise, you should also be patient and ready to listen to them. It is likely that their questions and concerns at this time will be much the same as yours. For example, it is likely that you will all ask the following:
Stay calmAn unplanned pregnancy can be a real shock and as such can sometimes elicit a short-lived negative or hysterical response in the person receiving the news. Although this can be very upsetting, it is important to remember that shock is a natural reaction and is likely to fade over the subsequent days after first hearing the news. It may be difficult, but try to stay as calm as possible and be sensitive to the fact that it can take time to digest significant news. If the conversation becomes overly negative, if you are getting angry, or if you feel even remotely unsafe, you should bring the discussion to an end and continue at a later date. Emphasise that you are in it togetherBringing a new child into the world affects both you and your partner, as well as your extended families. Try to use language that emphasises your togetherness. For example, use words like “we” and “us” when discussing things that impact you both. Words such as “I”, “me” and “you” may only amplify any potential for conflict and division. SummarySometimes the best things happen when we are least expecting them and while ‘big news’ may initially come as a shock, with time and careful communication you, your partner and your loved ones will almost certainly be able to work together toward the right decisions and outcomes. Stay calm; remember that you are the one who will carry and give birth to the baby, and ultimately, other people’s opinions are just opinions – they don’t have to affect you unless you let them.
Unplanned pregnancy is one of those surprises that could sweep you off your feet, especially when you thought you had it all under control. I can imagine how it would feel to have plans to fulfill or long term goals you've always wanted to achieve, and then boom! You get pregnant. Pregnancy news could bring happy or sad feelings when you tell your partner. His initial reaction could be shocking to you as well, especially when you both always fantasized about having a baby together. And it's also okay for you to have mixed feelings when something like this happens. After your initial reaction and confusion, it's time to sit down and think about practical and logical ways to approach the situation. And the best way to go about it is to tell the father of your baby about an unplanned pregnancy. Of course, it would feel like the world is crumbling on you. You may feel nervous. Talking about an unplanned pregnancy can be a hard conversation to have either with your boyfriend or your husband. But, every relationship is different which means every couple has a unique way to handle a situation. But how do you tell him? Keep reading to find out tips on how to break the big news to your partner. 11 Ways On How To Tell Your Boyfriend Your Unplanned Pregnancy1. Go for the test togetherIt’s necessary to be sure you’re really pregnant before spilling the news to anyone. A home pregnancy test is a common way to find out if you’re pregnant or not. Depending on the kind of person you are, you could choose to go alone, with a friend, a family member, or preferably your partner. But it’s advisable to pop into a hospital briefly to do a quick test to make sure you’re pregnant. Ask him to join you for the test. That way, the doctor would tell you both about the pregnancy. And depending on the kind of couple you are, you could handle your feelings in a perfect way. 2. Arrange for a meetup Text messages and calls are easy ways to use to pass across information, especially when you get pregnant. You just want to drop it and run offline. It sounds really easy but it should be your last option. The kind of partner you have should determine the right place for a meetup. Also, think of his reaction or response to things like this and decide on where to choose to tell him about the baby. You could decide to go for dinner, stroll, or any place with distractions. But it’s always best to go to a more private place for a better discussion. 3. Prepare relevant pointsUnplanned pregnancy is something you need time to think about. You’ll need personal space for some time to be able to think straight. You should decide if you want to keep the baby or not. Give your husband or boyfriend reasons why you made that choice. List the pros and cons of your choice and assure him that everything would be fine. Go straight to the point and be honest. He is the father of the baby, your boyfriend, or your husband and I feel he should be a part of any decision you make for the baby. So, listen to him and let it be a fair conversation. 4. Tell him and give him time to respondRemember, you’ve had your own time to think about the shock. You must have had your own outburst of emotions. It’s something your partner needs time to digest. There could be happiness, shock, fear, or even a mix of two or all emotions. The father of the baby, whether it’s your boyfriend or husband of a few months may be excited to have a baby but needs enough time to think to be able to adjust his plans to the news. Kids are a gift to both parents even though most partners may not be ready mentally to accept them. Just like you, he would have his reaction and he would probably have a lot of questions. He may want time to talk to someone else about it too. 5. Discuss your decision tooDiscussing your decisions with each other or telling him your personal decision at the same time you tell him about the baby could help control his emotions. It’s a way to give him an idea of how to go about the whole situation. It’s also something to keep the conversation going to know if you both want to keep the baby or not. Take time to talk it through. Talking to him about it could even make you both decide or know where the relationship is going or if it would end. Make sure you’re firm with your decision as well. It will help keep things in place. After all, pregnancy brings joy. 6. Prepare emotionallyFirst of all, remember not everyone would have the reaction as you. Plans are never the same as realities and emotions and feelings can’t be controlled. So take some time to be ready for your partner’s reaction, numerous questions, and a lengthy conversation. Your relationship may either get better or not. Things could be a bit different between both of you when you tell him. Also, watch his body language. It could help direct you on what to do. Whatever be the case, your mental health deserves some peace. You could talk to a therapist if need be. So, prepare emotionally to be able to withstand his emotions or reaction after you tell him. 7. Get support from someoneSometimes, having someone else be with you while you tell him about the baby is necessary. If you feel you’re not strong enough to discuss it with him alone, you can get help. You sometimes need a third party to help neutralize the situation. It doesn’t matter if it’s a random man or your boyfriend, you may just need someone around. Preferably, someone, he knows or respects. The person may not necessarily need to say anything while you talk or they could just stay at a distance till you need support. 8. Start with supporting topicsYou can start talking about fun topics you both are used to. Ask him questions on how he would react if a pregnancy came up. Make some pregnancy jokes and see his reaction. His response would guide you on how to tell him about the baby. The point here is, no matter how he responds to your talks you still have to tell him especially if he’s the father. If he’s not, you may want to start with an apology. It may hurt him a lot at first but with time he’ll come to respect your courage to open up to him even though things won’t remain the same. But if he’s your partner and the father of the baby, supporting topics could ease the gist and help control his tense feelings. 9. Send the pregnancy test result to himIf you’re not too comfortable with directly communicating with him, you could just attach a photo of the pregnancy test result as a message to him. I know some women don’t have the strength to say it out, especially when it’s an unplanned pregnancy and you’re both not ready to be parents. If you’re married it may be easier even if it’s unplanned. But if you can’t talk to him physically about it, you could send him the result and wait for his response. You’re free to do it digitally or just hand it over to him physically without saying anything. It depends on you or both of you. 10. Visit himDepending on how long you’ve known your man, you could pay him a visit. In this particular tip, I’m not saying you should hang out. Sometimes, it’s good to just pay him a visit to say what you need to let out. Find a time he’s not too busy. He may need to eat first before listening to you because things like this could make a man lose his appetite, especially when he thought he had everything figured out. So visit him, let the atmosphere be clear and then say it.
Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you? Take this quick quiz to see if he actually likes you! 11. Call or text himIf your partner is a busy person, you could call or send a text message to him. No matter how busy he may be, he would respond when he sees it. Even if he’s not busy, send a short text asking when he would be less busy to talk. You could call directly if you know he would be free to talk. When you call, don’t make it such a big deal even when you know it is. Because sometimes, your take on the situation sort of determines how he would react to it as well. FAQsHow do guys feel about an unplanned pregnancy? Most times, it’s a mixture of emotions. They could be frightened, afraid, sad, happy, or have a mixture of all. A few of them have slight panic attacks sometimes. It’s not like they see it as a bad thing but it’s the shock that brings up emotions. Do unplanned pregnancies ruin relationships? It depends on the couple involved. Nothing should ruin a relationship except the two partners decide they can’t be together anymore. An unplanned pregnancy can only ruin a relationship if the two partners don’t feel good about it, there was never a plan to be together, or other circumstances beyond control. How long should you wait to tell your partner you're pregnant? I don’t think it will be nice to keep it away from him for too long. Reasons being that you may want to make certain decisions on time to be able to move on from it. I would say you should take your time but not later than a couple of days after you discover. Do I have to tell my partner about abortion? Before deciding, ask yourself what you’re really going to be comfortable living with. If you feel you’ll be fine aborting it, then you can tell him. But make sure it’s a choice you’re completely fine with. It should come from a place of peace. How do I deal with an unwanted pregnancy? An unwanted pregnancy is not something to weigh you down. You could keep it if you and your partner are ready to be parents. But if you’re not ready, you could abort it. To avoid it for future purposes you could use birth control pills. The recommended ones. In ConclusionDon’t panic because you’re pregnant and unplanned. Everything has a solution and I’ve listed some of the tips already. Try them out and see how they can help. It’s never too serious. And if you love this article, please like and share it with others too.
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How to tell someone youre pregnant unplanned
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