Stress, whether from inside or outside your relationship, is likely to affect the way you think, feel and behave. This invariably impacts on your partner and your relationship – creating a vicious circle. If you’re dealing with relationship stress, I’m so glad you’ve landed here. I can help you to manage this. Show
Relationship stress can be caused by a drip-drip effect of, for example: It can also come about as a result of a crisis, such as an affair, sudden illness, the death of a loved one or other family problems. Avoiding issues can provide temporary relief, but this may lead in the long-term to a buildup of stress, and reduced resilience when you’re confronted with stressful situations. I’m sure you’re aware that there are physical consequences too – the impact of stress can make you ill. Watch this video to learn more… Are you stressed or is it your partner?You and/or your partner may be suffering from stress from external sources. Ultimately, you are each responsible for your own recovery. If you blame your partner, other people or the situation, you can get trapped in feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. This is unhealthy as you end up wasting precious energy on things you have no control over, instead of focusing on the things you can control. If only I could give you a magic wand with which you could bewitch your partner!Is your partner – or are you – able to help?Ideally, you’d offer each other emotional and practical support. If your partner appears unable to help and/or support you, try not to judge them. If this is out of character for them, then it may be that your partner’s own well-being is not so good at the moment. When you are feeling stressed it can feel as though everybody, including your partner, is out to make life difficult for you! However, here are some potential alternative explanations…
How to start calming things downWhen you get to the point where you just don’t want to go home at the end of a working day, or you dread your partner coming through the door, your relationship just won’t be satisfying any more. If there are problems in your relationship or marriage, now is the time to sort them out. Continuing to do what you’ve always done is not going to change anything. I’m afraid wishful thinking will only lead to further relationship stress. I’d really advise you to consider getting professional help from an experienced couple counsellor if this is your situation. Even if your partner doesn’t want to go, you still can – and at the very least you won’t feel so alone any more. It can be hugely helpful to discuss, in confidence, what is happening with an expert. You can connect with an online, professional licensed therapist right now. There’s also much you can do right now that can make a difference. Firstly we’ll look at things that you can do, and then we’ll look at ways that you can support your partner. 10 ways to effectively deal with a strained relationship
Also, you may like to have a look at my page on online hypnosis frequently asked questions. Self-hypnosis is such a great way to help reduce and even cure many a problem. How to help your partner and yourself5 ways you can help your partner cope with stress
How introverts and extroverts deal differently with stress
An introvert (someone who is more at ease with their own thoughts and feelings) is more likely to be soothed by peace and quiet, and solitary activities. An extrovert (someone who likes going out, getting involved and being with other people) is more likely to cope by engaging in lively activities. You are each on a continuum between introvert and extrovert. Try to work towards a balance to avoid the risk of becoming polarised as that will certainly increase relationship stress. Stress involving your childrenI can do no better than let you watch Bruce Feiler’s presentation on building happy families. Oh, how I wish I had seen this when I was bringing up my son. It would have SO reduced all our stress levels. If you and your partner have very different ways of dealing with your offspring, you are potentially making life more stressful for each other. This will help… You’re unlikely to be able to eliminate all stresses in your marriage or relationship. However, since relationship problems are one of the biggest causes of stress, I’m sure you’ll agree that it makes sense to deal with them. Instead of hoping and wishing, why not get some counselling? It’ll be a relief to be able to talk things through with someone completely independent. FinallyNothing lasts forever in life – not the good times and not the bad times. I know that with some good relationship advice you can work towards resolving the issues and keep chipping away at the stress in your relationship. Do what you can to become the person you want to be.
Because you’re worthy of reliable help and support.
Click the button and… Other helpful linksAre Relationships Good for Your Health? Student British Medical Journal Share on Pinterest Even in the healthiest relationships, partners don’t always get along perfectly. That’s completely normal — and part of what makes it so important you enjoy time apart to do your own thing. In a typical setting, you can probably create time for yourself without much trouble. Partners often spend time apart during work, school, with hobbies or exercise, completing errands, and seeing friends. But during the COVID-19 pandemic, these options aren’t viable for most. And if you’re sheltering-in-place in close quarters, your relationship might be under some strain already.
Letting tension color your interactions with each other can make it tough to get along and support each other. But you can express your frustration in helpful ways instead of lashing out. Here’s how. Before you raise an issue, check in with yourself about the problem first. Ask yourself exactly what you feelNaming the emotion that’s troubling you can help you take the first steps toward managing it productively.
When irritability creeps up, for example, take a break from the situation. Sit with those feelings and do a little digging. Maybe you’re not annoyed with your partner, but frustrated by the inability to go out and do something fun. Or maybe you’re restless because you haven’t had a chance to exercise. Mindfulness tools like meditation and journaling can help you practice accepting your feelings. Sharing frustrations with a trusted friend can help you uncover and make sense of difficult feelings, too.
Make time to talk to your partnerOnce you identify the feeling, then you can bring it up. Even if it doesn’t have anything to do with them, talking can still have benefit. Stress and fear are easier to bear when shared, and sometimes just opening up about difficult feelings can decrease their intensity. When they have done something to irritate you, a respectful conversation can improve the situation.
Before you bring up the issue, consider how to open the discussion without judgment. Start by validating the situation and any stress they might feel. If, for example, they keep neglecting their share of the chores, you might say: “I know it’s hard to maintain our typical routine during this difficult time. But I feel even more stressed when everything around me is cluttered, so I’d really like to keep up on housework together. I’m wondering if it might help to switch chores or work on them at the same time. What do you think?” Then, listen to their side. They might struggle with chores when anxious and didn’t realize how stressed you felt by things going undone.
If tensions are already high and the mood doesn’t seem right for a conversation, try writing a letter. Open the letter with a similar validation of the situation and their feelings before getting to the heart of the matter. No matter how you address the issue, remember they’re dealing with challenging feelings, too. Wrap up your letter (or conversation) by touching base on how to make things easier for each other. It never hurts to reaffirm your love and affection, either. Working through challenging emotions doesn’t always play out the same way. Your approach can vary depending on exactly what feeling you’re attempting to navigate and whether they’re part of the issue or not. Also remember people don’t always work through emotions in the same way. You may have different instinctive approaches toward managing tough feelings. When tension intensifies unwanted emotions, both of you can end up struggling. You might find it even more frustrating when their preferred method of resolution doesn’t seem to help. You might wonder why they don’t want to try things your way. Keep in mind, you’re not the same person, so you won’t see things in entirely the same way. But honest, open discussion can help you come up with a solution together. You’re far from alone, if the global pandemic has triggered some stress. Many people around the world currently live with fear and anxiety, and your partner probably numbers among them, too. Bottling up feelings of stress and anxiety can make them worse. Other coping strategies, like drinking a lot of alcohol or watching show after show on Netflix, may not help much either.
If you’ve been together for some time, you can probably read each other’s moods fairly well. If they seem a little on edge, try suggesting a distracting activity or something that offers a tone shift. Whether they’ve contributed to your stress or not, keep in mind it’s not a bad thing to want time apart. Try spending time separately doing something relaxing like listening to music, reading in the bathtub, or taking a long walk. This can help you feel better and distract you from triggers before they become overwhelming. Fear, confusion, and uncertainty are completely normal right now. You might joke about the apocalypse as the world begins to resemble the dystopian setting in your favorite movie or TV series, but generally speaking, fear isn’t comfortable. Most people don’t like being afraid of things they can’t control.
Acting like nothing’s wrong, on the other hand, might have the opposite effect. They might get the idea you aren’t taking things seriously and become irritated or even more fearful as a result. Beyond general uncertainty about what to expect, you might also have some specific worries about:
If one of you still works in a public position, you might have a lot of concerns about potential exposure, which can worsen fear and stress. But having a plan for how you’ll handle potential infections can help you feel more in control.
When working through fear, make sure to talk about boundaries. It’s important to talk about your concerns, but ruminating on them or revisiting them again and again generally doesn’t help. Respect each other’s boundaries around needing space from these topics. The pandemic has disrupted life in countless ways. Many people around the world are dealing with grief over missed events, inability to interact with loved ones, and other pandemic-related changes and losses. When struggling with sadness and other distress, remind yourself your feelings are entirely valid. It doesn’t matter whether you’re miserable over the postponed Olympics or dejected over having to cancel your wedding.
If you’re sad over not getting to see your family and annoyed because it seems like your partner cares more about the cancellation of their favorite show, remember that people deal with sadness in different ways. Try offering compassion and empathy, even if you don’t quite understand where they’re coming from. Their grief might seem small in comparison to yours, but it’s their grief. Got a lot on your mind right now? You’re in good company. If your partner seems to brush off your emotional state or ignore your feelings entirely, you might feel a little angry. But before you let your anger fuel a conflict, try working through it in more helpful ways. You might:
As you might realize yourself, it’s not always easy to handle someone else’s intense feelings when trying to cope with your own emotional turmoil. Respect their frame of mind by asking them to let you know when they feel like talking. This can make a big difference in your success at resolving issues. Trying to navigate personal overwhelm makes it difficult to remain present for others. Some people can manage distress while also offering support. Others might cope by helping loved ones cope. But if your partner needs to address their emotions first, you might end up feeling somewhat neglected. Maybe they don’t feel up to your usual game night, cooking, or home workout. Perhaps they seem a little short-tempered, even snappish, or have low interest in sex or cuddling. Unmet needs can ramp up feelings of loneliness and neglect. But good self-care and self-soothing practices can help you tend to yourself until they feel more capable of connection. You might:
Tensions at home might be running a little higher than usual, but that’s a pretty common outcome of crisis. You might be a little more inclined to pick at each other for little things, but try not to let the added stress strain your relationship. Honest communication, with a little patience thrown in, can help you come out of the pandemic with a stronger partnership rather than one that feels frayed at the seams. Crystal Raypole has previously worked as a writer and editor for GoodTherapy. Her fields of interest include Asian languages and literature, Japanese translation, cooking, natural sciences, sex positivity, and mental health. In particular, she’s committed to helping decrease stigma around mental health issues. Last medically reviewed on April 17, 2020 |